


For the Right Price

by Mystikari



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: 3am delirious writing strikes again, Crack, Gen, Humour, OOC for the sake of crack, Parody, Swearing is life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystikari/pseuds/Mystikari
Summary: Mammon will do anything for the right price; including agreeing to be in this short drabble about the Varia. Currently adding bonus extras!





	1. For the Right Price

**Author's Note:**

> X-posted from my FF.net
> 
>  **Disclaimer** I don't own KHR!

Belphegor: Ushishishi~ Mammon would you kill yourself if the Prince ordered it?

Mammon: For the right price.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Xanxus: Get the fuck out of my sight trash. 

Mammon: I will for the right pri— 

_**-Shots fired-**_

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Squalo: VOIIIIII! WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FLYING MIDGET? 

Mammon: For the right price. 

Lussuria: Monmon-chan~! That doesn't make any sense~! 

Mammon: It will for the right price. 

Squalo: VOIIII! WHAT THE FUCK! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE BEFORE I SHOVE THIS SWORD UP IT! 

Squalo: *Waves sword around furiously* 

Mammon: …For the right price? 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Levi: *Appears* 

Levi: I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU! 

Mammon: Sure, I'll listen f— 

Levi: LET ME TELL YOU HOW AMAZING OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR XANX— 

Mammon: Fuck that. There's no right price to listen to your bullshit. 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Mammon: For the right pri— 

Mammon: For the right price. 

Mammon: Deal. Wait, who are you? 

Mammon: I can tell you for the right price. 

Mammon: You got yourself another deal. 

Tsuna to Reborn: Why is he having a conversation with himself? 

Reborn: He'll probably tell you for the right price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Delirious crack is honestly the best type


	2. The Request

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first introductory "behind the scenes" for this crack fic

Mammon: Why exactly am I supposed to listen to what you have to say when I could be making more money? Or better yet, rolling about in all the money I currently have. By the way this conversation is going to cost you.

Reborn: I can arrange your payment immediately.

Reborn: *Points Leon at Mammon*

Reborn: Where would you like your payment?

Mammon: *Shudders*

Mammon: …I just have to talk to them for a few seconds right? And I'd prefer it in cash, not in medical bills.

Reborn: Payment is payment.

Mammon: I feel like I've dug my own grave here. Such is the life of one of the seven deadly sins.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Reborn: So you understand what to do right? 

Mammon: Why exactly to I have to converse with those morons though? 

Reborn: Because I said so. 

Mammon: And why the hell should I care about what you 'say'? 

Reborn: *Glares at Mammon with his trademark badass look* 

Mammon: *Gulps* _It's still fucking intimidating even when he's a baby!_

Mammon: *Attempts to regain composure* 

Reborn: *Waves Leon-money* 

Mammon: *Voice cracks* 

Mammon: D-damn straight! I-I'm 1 Reborn. I do what I want, when I want and for how much I want! 

Reborn: *Blank stare* 

Mammon: *Eek's internally*

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Reborn: Let's take it from the top. 

Mammon: If you pay me?

_**-Shots fired directly through Mammon-** _

Reborn: Try again. 

Mammon: I don't get paid enough for this.

_**-Shots fired near Mammon-** _

Reborn: Better. 

Mammon: *Sighs* 

Mammon: I'll do it properly for the right price.

_**-Boom. Headshot-** _

Reborn: Perfect. Let me know how it turns out. 

Reborn: *Leaves* 

Mammon: *Attempts to piece himself back together* 

Mammon: God I hate my life sometimes.


	3. BTS - Belphegor's Scenario

Mammon: Belphe- 

Belphegor: Ushishishi~ 

Mammon: Shut up. 

Belphegor: Kaching. That's no way to talk to a prince. 

Belphegor: *Brandishes knives fabulously* 

Mammon: _He's seriously not paying me enough for this._

Mammon: Ok you stupid moron just shut up and listen to me—and get those stupid plastic butter knives out of my face. 

Belphegor: _*Kachings' violently*_

Mammon: I need to you ask me to do something—anything it doesn't matter. It's for a job. Oh, and preferably say something in character. I'll split some money with you if you do a good job. 

Belphegor: Ushishishi~ Anything? 

Mammon: …Yes? 

Belphegor: Then can I ram all of these knives up your ass? 

Mammon: Is that even considered in character?! 

Reborn: *Shrugs* 

Reborn: It has something to do with knives right? 

Mammon: How the fuck did you get here?

_**-A wild Reborn appeared!-** _

Mammon: *Tiny handed facepalm* 

Belphegor: Can I ram them up his ass instead then? 

Mammon: What the hell is your obsession with shoving knives up people's asses? 

Illusionary Reborn: You made an illusion of me to keep you on track. 

Illusionary Reborn: *Points Leon-gun at Mammon* 

Illusionary Reborn: Illusions can kill if you believe them right? Get to work. 

Mammon: Knives can kill too if they're rammed up your ass! 

Belphegor: Ushishishi~~~! Knife party~~! 

Mammon: NO THIS IS NOT OKAY GET AWAY FROM ME! 

Mammon: I'M FUCKING CALLING OH&S HERE! THIS IS CLEARLY A HAZARD TO MY HEALTH! 

Mammon: *Flies through a million fucking dimensions to get away from the crazy knife wielder* 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Belphegor: Ushishishi~ Mammon would you ram these knives up your ass if the Prince ordered it? 

Mammon: For the right Prince.

_**-Knives rammed up ass-** _

Mammon: *Unceremoniously squeaks/screams* 

Illusionary Reborn: So close. Only a letter off. 

Illusionary Reborn: Let's try that again. 

Mammon: Ughhhh my ass…. 

Illusionary Reborn: We'll keep going until you get it right. 

Mammon: Right up my ass? 

Belphegor: Ushishishi~! That's the spirit! 

Mammon: There's no right price for this abuse. 

Illusionary Reborn: Sure there is, we just haven't found it yet. 

Mammon: *Glares* 

Illusionary Reborn: Embrace the sin! 

Illusionary Reborn: *Conjures up a giant cash pile and points to it* 

Mammon: Even though I know that's not real I'm quite tempted; however, I refuse to be a slave to my desires unless it's for the right price. 

Belphegor: *Stares at Reborn* 

Illusionary Reborn: *Stares at Belphegor* 

Belphegor: I still have more knives. 

Illusionary Reborn: I still have more money. 

Mammon: Let's get shoving then. 

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.* 

Illusionary Reborn: *Stares at a barely conscious and butt-bleeding Mammon* 

Illusionary Reborn: I feel like we may have gotten slightly off track somewhere. 

Belphegor: Ushishishi~~~ 

Mammon: *Groans in pain* 

Illusionary Reborn: Oh good you're still alive. If you just adjust that one letter from before I think that'll be good enough to earn a pass on Belphegor. Only 5 more until payday. 

Mammon: *Groans in euphoria*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously went off track somewhere, but there's 3am writing from a delirious uni student for ya. Also, at the time I couldn't think of a crackfest name for the Illusion of Reborn, and I haven't actually considered it for quite some time, so please forgive me T.T
> 
> Xanxus is supposed to be the next one up :D


End file.
